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  • Martha Stewart quoted a nice proverb about gardening, but it isn’t Dutch… so where did it come from?

    Martha Stewart quoted a nice proverb about gardening, but it isn’t Dutch… so where did it come from?

    As someone who writes professionally about the Dutch language in English, I’m pretty versed in Dutch proverbs. So when I see someone quoting a “Dutch proverb” that isn’t actually a Dutch proverb, I’m always curious: how and why did this come about?

    This time, my journey started at Vogue.com, where journalist Emma Specter gleefully announces that there’s a biopic coming out about American TV personality Martha Stewart starring Cate Blanchett. She mentions:

    “I can only pray that it will share at least some DNA with Martha, R.J. Cutler’s 2024 documentary …in which Stewart… hits us with this iconic Dutch proverb: “If you want to be happy for a day, get drunk. If you want to be happy for a year, get married. But if you want to be happy forever, plant a garden.”

    Specter probably got it from her colleague Lilah Ramzi, who quotes the same version of this proverb in Vogue in October 2024.

    Did Martha Stewart really say this?

    Yes, though she says it slightly differently:

    “If you want to be happy for a year, get married. If you want to be happy for a decade, get a dog. If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make a garden.“

    (I prefer this version, if I’m honest. Dogs are funnier than alcohol!)

    I found this article that links to the clip on TikTok and provides this helpful meme from the documentary.

    Martha Stewart Gardening Meme – Source via Instagram

    Importantly, the clip makes clear that it was not Martha Stewart herself who named it as Dutch, but Vogue. In the clip, Stewart just says “there’s a little saying that I like”.

    Would Stewart have used a Dutch proverb?

    According to Wikipedia, Martha Stewart is of Polish descent, not Dutch, and I see no links to the Netherlands or Flanders of any other kind in her biography. No Dutch husbands or anything like that. So she would not have had a stock of Dutch proverbs from e.g. her grandparents to trot out.

    Did Vogue just invent that it was Dutch, then?

    No, I think they must have found a source on the internet saying it was Dutch. I found this quote on GoodReads from 2016, for example:

    “The Dutch have a proverb for it: “If you want to be happy for a day, get drunk. If you want to be happy for a year, get married. But if you want to be happy for a lifetime, plant a garden.”

    (GoodReads, you should date your posts!! I’m assuming this post was from 2016, because that is when it got its first like.)

    There’s also this article from 2020, which seems to echo the GoodReads post.

    What other versions are there on the internet?

    According to the American Rhododendron Society (which understandably might like quoting proverbs about gardening every now and then) the proverb is Chinese, and actually goes like this:

    If you want to be happy for an hour, get drunk.
    If you want to be happy for a day, get married.
    If you want to be happy for a week, kill your pig and eat it.
    If you want to be happy all your life, BE A GARDENER!

    But there are all kinds of versions on the internet, for example, this one from 2018 on Facebook (which makes more sense than the Rhododendron Society one)

    If you would be happy for a day, get drunk.
    If you would be happy for a week, roast a pig.
    If you would be happy for a year, get married.
    If you would be happy for a lifetime, plant a garden.

    some are as simple as

    He who plants a garden, plants happiness

    What they have in common is that they all tend to note that it is a Chinese proverb.

    The only exception to this rule is on a few quotation websites with a quote that they attribute to British comedian Arthur Smith:

    If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk; happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.

    Conclusion (for now): it’s probably Chinese

    As I know for certain that it isn’t Dutch, and I feel like Arthur Smith was probably quoting an existing proverb just like Martha Stewart was, I think the Chinese proverb origin theory sounds the most likely.

    However, I have not been able to find any reputable sources with conclusive evidence, nor have I been able to find the original version of the proverb. Was the pig in the original, for example, or is that just a fanciful addition? If someone with knowledge of Chinese is reading this, please let me know in the comments!

    Heddwen Newton teaches English and Dutch, and is also a translator and a linguist. Her newsletter
    English and the Dutch is about all the funny and interesting ways Dutch and English overlap.

  • In the book ‘Project Hail Mary’, Eva Stratt was Dutch. In the movie, they made her German.

    In the book ‘Project Hail Mary’, Eva Stratt was Dutch. In the movie, they made her German.

    Okay, it doesn’t matter to the plot very much, but Dutch speakers don’t often get a character that represents them, so it is a shame that the Dutch character of Eva Stratt (European Space Agency administrator and boss lady) was changed into a German for the movie Project Hail Mary.

    To be fair, “Stratt” was always more of a German name, and it seems perhaps author Andy Weir made a research mistake when he named her. (Though there are plenty of Dutch people with German names, like author Herman Koch and historian Philip Dröge. So perhaps she was one of those.)

    Another “to be fair”: actor Sandra Hüller did a phenomenal job and seemed just right for the part, bringing humanity in just the right dosage. Well done her.

    But since I write a newsletter about (among other things) how Dutch speakers are represented in English-speaking media, this is worth a mention to me. In the book, Eva Stratt is Dutch. In the movie, she is German. Now you know.

    Heddwen Newton teaches English and Dutch, and is also a translator and a linguist. Her newsletter
    English and the Dutch is about all the funny and interesting ways Dutch and English overlap.

    Photo source: Amazon MGM Studios

  • How do you do?

    How do you do?

    Here is something many non-English speakers learned at school:

    When you meet a person from the UK, that person will say, “How do you do?” and instead of answering the question, you are expected to answer “How do you do?”. 

    As a Brit, I can tell you: this is, like, 100 years out of date. Don’t do it.

    However, I recently learned that modern Australian English does something very similar. They say “How ya goin’?” And the answer is, you guessed it, “How ya goin’?”

    And when I posted this on social media, an American let me know that the answer to “What’s up?” is “What’s up?”, a southern American remarked that the answer to “Howdy!” was “Howdy!” and a Brit said the answer to “You alright?” is “You alright?”

    The Anglo-Saxon tradition of completely ignoring questions lives on!

    No link with houdoe

    I once read that to the “how do you do?”- sayers of yore, “how do you do?” wasn’t a question, but a synonym of “nice to meet you” or “nice to see you again”. So, to them, there was no question that was not being answered. I guess it’s the same for Australians. Readers in Australia: let me know!

    “How do you do?” can still be seen in the American greeting “Howdie”. It can NOT be seen in the Noord-Brabant parting phrase “houdoe”, however plausible the story that it was taken over from the Second World War liberators. It simply comes from Houdt oe eigen goed, which means “Keep yourself well”.

    So, what should you say?

    In general, when greeting someone in Britain, you are expected to say “How are you?”. And you are expected to answer “Good, how are you?” or “Fine, how are you?”

    On no account are you expected to actually give the other person details on how you are, or tell them that you aren’t doing so well!

    (An exception would be something like your mother’s funeral, in which case you are permitted, just, to say something like “You know, hanging in there. How are you?”) 

    Social media responses

    Here are some interesting responses I got when I posted this on social media:

    An Australian said about the phrase “How ya going?”

    We are super-efficient, reducing a 5-syllable expression to 2*: “Air Gaan”.

    Heddwen Newton teaches English and Dutch, and is also a translator and a linguist. Her newsletter
    English and the Dutch is about all the funny and interesting ways Dutch and English overlap.

  • Maandag Naamdag #2: Freek

    Maandag Naamdag #2: Freek

    The Dutch name Freek (pronounced “Frake”, more or less) is not as common as, say, Jan or Willem or Bart but is still a perfectly normal name in the Netherlands and Belgium.

    How many Freeks are there?

    How many Freeks have been around in the past is difficult to say, because if you were called “Freek” by your family, you were probably registered in the national birth register as Frederik. Many other Dutch Frederiks went by “Fred”, and some might have gone by “Rik”, so it is very difficult to say how many Freeks were among them.

    From the 1980s it became popular to call your son Freek without making him Frederik in his passport, so from that point on we can see them in the national statistics. The name was quite popular in the 1980s and 1990s, making many Freeks around 40 years old.

    (Take “popular” with a grain of salt, though; even at the height of its popularity, in the year 1984, the name “Freek” was not even in the top 100 of boys’ names.)

    But again, don’t be fooled by that 0-line in the graph: there were plenty of Freeks around before the 1980s, it’s just that for these statistics, they were called Frederik.

    Nowadays the name is less popular, though in 2025 there were still 35 baby boys who got the name Freek. I think part of the diminishing popularity has to do with parents wanting to give their child a name that will not raise eyebrows abroad, but another part will quite simply be the normal ebb and flow of name popularity.

    Freeks have been around a long time

    Though we cannot know how many Freeks used to live in Dutch-speaking parts, something we can know is that Freeks have been around a long time. The picture below is from a baptism register from 1634. On 2 November 1634, the following children were baptised: Claas, Trijn, Jan, Freek, Gerrit and Jannekijntje (?? I can’t make out that last one, tell me what you think it says!). This image is from the amazing website wiewaswie.nl, and the oldest Freek I can find was buried in 1586. They were probably around before that, too, it’s just that we don’t have records that go further back.

    Celebrities with the name Freek

    Freek de Jonge: (1944, Dutch comedian)

    Here he is, speaking in English (and not being funny, for a change).

    Hier klicken, um den Inhalt von YouTube anzuzeigen.
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    Open "Freek de Jonge: Delta plan for Groningen (english)" directly

    Freek Vonk: (1983, evolutionary biologist and TV presenter)

    I couldn’t find anything in English from him, so here is one of his Dutch kids’ TV episodes

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    Open "Freeks Wilde Wereld – S09E11 – Kattenkwaad en apenstreken" directly

    Freek Braeckman: (1979, Belgian news reader)

    Nothing in English from him either…

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    Open "Het moment van 2025 voor Freek Braeckman" directly

    Freek Rikkerink: (1993, half of singing duo Suzan & Freek)

    No need to find anything in English for these two; they sing in Dutch, and beautifully so. Here is their most popular song

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    Open "Suzan & Freek – Als Het Avond Is (Officiële Video)" directly

    (I was a little hesitant to include Freek Rikkerink in the picture above, and in this list, as he has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. However, Suzan & Freek are still making and promoting their music, choosing to continue their passion and sharing themselves with the world. From what I know of them, I think they would be sad to be left out!)

    How do Freeks introduce themselves abroad?

    Though some embrace the way foreigners call them “Freak”, many also opt to go by Frederik, Fred or Frake.

    Is your name Freek? What do you do abroad? Let me know!

    What do Freeks think about the Freak connotation?

    In this paragraph, I will paste some reactions that I think I will get on social media.

    Heddwen Newton teaches English and Dutch, and is also a translator and a linguist. Her newsletter
    English and the Dutch is about all the funny and interesting ways Dutch and English overlap.

    Photo credits:

    Freek de Jonge: Dirk Annemans

    Freek Vonk: Vargaspetra

    Freek Braeckman: Ruud Hendrickx

    Freek Rikkerink: Willem Sizoo

    Sources:

    wiewaswie

    meertens instituut voornamenbank

    SVB

    top 100 boys’ names 1984

  • Weird stuff that Dutch speakers are famous for on social media

    Weird thing #1 – eating their prime minister

    From the super-reliable sounding Facebook group “History Cool Kids”

    In 1672, during a major crisis in the Netherlands, a mob captured and executed the former leading statesman Johan de Witt (who was effectively serving as prime minister). He was then partially eaten by the mob.

    Under his leadership, though not because of his personal failures, the Dutch Republic was attacked simultaneously by England, France, and the German states of Prince-Bishopric of Münster and Electorate of Cologne during the Franco Dutch War. Although the Dutch ultimately survived the invasion, the year became known as the Disaster Year because of the scale of military and political collapse.

    The violence was also tied to internal political rivalry, and some contemporaries and later historians have suspected the influence of William III of England, then Prince of Orange, who benefited politically from the crisis and rose to power as stadtholder before later invading England in 1688 and becoming king.

    The aftermath was famously depicted in a painting by Jan de Baen, and many Dutch historians still regard Johan de Witt as one of the greatest statesmen in the country’s history, which makes the episode especially tragic. 

    And you can apparently see his tongue and finger in The Hague:

  • Please go to my Substack instead

    This is an old blog that is no longer updated. If you want to read fun stuff about Dutch in English, head over to my Substack. You don’t have to sign up to read it!

    https://englishandthedutch.substack.com

  • All the ways to use “shit” in English

    This fun meme did the rounds a few years ago:

    Here are the definitions from Wiktionary and an example sentence for each:

    apeshit: “Out of control due to anger or excitement”

    I told him the bad news, and he went apeshit.


    batshit: “Too irrational to be dealt with sanely”

    Don’t take any courses from that professor. She’s completely batshit.


    bullshit: “False or exaggerated statements made to impress and deceive the listener rather than inform”

    Don’t pay any attention to him. He talks a lot of bullshit.


    chickenshit: “Petty and contemptible; contemptibly unimportant”; “a coward”

    I told him I wasn’t having his insults, and he just backed right down. What a chickenshit.


    dogshit: “very poor quality.”

    My dogshit bike broke again.


    horseshit: “Serious harassment or abuse”; “Blatant nonsense, more likely stemming from ignorance than any intent to deceive”

    He thinks vinegar is alkaline? Don’t you realize that’s horseshit?

    Heddwen Newton teaches English and Dutch, and is also a translator and a linguist. Her newsletter
    English and the Dutch is about all the funny and interesting ways Dutch and English overlap.

  • My collection of proof that “clothes” rhymes with “nose”

    I’m not sure why it is, and I am worried that Dutch secondary school English teachers are to blame, but lots of Dutch people completely mispronounce the word “clothes”. They say something like “clothe-ese”.

    Though one of the main principles of this blog is that having a Dutch accent is okay, in this case this pronunciation doesn’t work because it will lead to misunderstandings.

    Also, the solution is so easy: “clothes” rhymes with “nose”. Don’t believe me? Listen to Avril Lavigne

    “All of her friends, they stuck up their nose, they had a problem with his baggy clothes.”

    Or look at this Simpsons quote:

    Or click through these 25372 videos on YouGlish. (Don’t worry, just clicking through the first ten or so is fine.)

    Or look at this meme:

    But I asked a native speaker and they said it was “cloath-zzzz”

    If you ask a native speaker about their language, they are going to want to be helpful and tell you what they feel is the “correct” pronunciation. So they’ll think about the spelling and pronounce it slowly for you, and then they will indeed end up pronouncing the “th” in the middle (as a voiced th, by the way, as in “them”).

    But when native speakers are just talking and not thinking about it, they’ll say “I bought some new close.” I promise. Unfortunately, most people don’t realise how they actually talk, so if you ask them they might insist that they always pronounce the “th”. People are funny that way.

    Heddwen Newton is an English teacher and a translator from Dutch into English. She thinks about languages way too much, for example about how strange it is that these little blurb things are written in the third person.

    Heddwen has two children, two passports, two smartphones, two arms, two legs, and two email newsletters.

    English and the Dutch examines all the ways Dutch speakers interact with the English language. It has more than 1100 subscribers and is growing every day. Sign up here.

    English in Progress is about how the English language is evolving and how it is spoken around the world. It has more than 1700 subscribers and is growing every day. Sign up here.

  • More coming soon. Ish.

    I started this website as an English counterpart to www.hoezegjeinhetEngels.nl, for articles that wanted to be written in English rather than in Dutch.

    But then I started writing those articles on Substack instead.

    Now poor English and the Dutch is just sitting here, twiddling its thumbs, waiting for me to give it some attention.

    But you found it, so that’s something! Now please go visit one of those links I just gave you because you really don’t want to be hanging around here.

  • Forget boats. Here’s the new source of Dutch words in English

    Forget boats. Here’s the new source of Dutch words in English

    While reading the quarterly update of new words added to that behemoth of English dictionaries, the OED, I was surprised to find not one but two words taken from the Dutch. Both of them even got a special mention in the OED blog.

    English has a few Dutch words, of course, often to do with maritime pursuits, owing to the time when the Dutch were very good at boats. There’s “yacht” (jacht), “freight” (vracht), “deck” (dek), “avast” (houd vast), “skipper” (schipper), and plenty more.

    But now it’s football, it would seem. The words that caught my eye were:

    Cruyff turn – The OED definition is “a manoeuvre used by one player to evade another, in which the player with the ball feints a pass while facing in one direction before immediately dragging the ball behind and across his or her standing leg with the other foot, turning, and moving away in the opposite direction.”

    Though Johan Cruyff first used this manoeuvre in 1974, it has only now been added to the dictionary.

    total football – from our “totaalvoetbal”: “an attacking style of football in which every outfield player is able to play in any position as required during the course of a game, to allow fluid movement around the pitch while retaining the team’s overall structure as players exchange positions and fill spaces left by others.”

    Again, the entry notes that this style of football has been practised by Ajax since the 70s, but it would seem the term is now being mentioned in English-language media often enough to warrant an entry in the OED.

    As a non-lover of football, I can’t say I’m super excited. But then I don’t know much about sailing, either. Here’s hoping the next batch of Dutch words to go to English will have to do with, I don’t know, chocolate. Or linguistics. A girl can hope!

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